I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
