We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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