remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
