My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
