real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
