She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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