This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
