I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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