glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
