i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
