I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
