I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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