Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
