I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
