Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
