using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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