I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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