the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In America we eat man semen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
