"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
