I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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