i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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