but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
