He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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