My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want to make out with him forever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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