The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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