So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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