I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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