oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
