i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
