i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
