I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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