I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
