I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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