You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
