3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
