he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
