I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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