I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
