my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
