SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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