omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize