Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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