he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
