the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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