Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize