I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?