He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.