Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
