We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.