you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
