I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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