i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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