Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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