I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
