If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
