so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
