I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
