I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
