Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
