Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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