He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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