he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
