you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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