Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
