Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
