I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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