Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
