Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
