SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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