cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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