so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
