I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's always time for handjobs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
