I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
